Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

  October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day and it's something that should be remembered. Right? It's remembering a sweet little baby who could only hear your heartbeat, only a bond a Mother would know. Why not remember it? Not only miscarrying a child, but also delivering a butterfly baby. It's a trial you go through to strengthen your faith and to trust in God more. That's the only way I got through losing our baby. Is it hard to let go and let God? Yes, I still have a hard time with every day stuff. You just have to lay your burdens down and trust in Him. 

 As I sit here and type this, I have a candle lit in honor of our baby. Did you forget to light your candle tonight? Do it tomorrow night, it's a never forgotten memory.  As I was reading some comments under a friends post on FB, I came across a Mom saying how it has become taboo for people to talk about it. She has a point! It's almost like break milk--goodness forbid you give a friend breast milk because that's just "weird." Drinking Cow and Goat Milk is WEIRD, but we do it. We are the only mammal who doesn't 'drink' their own milk. Who's the weird one? Really though! LOL Back to what I was saying, why is it that people dismiss things because it's not normal? Maybe it's not their normal and they like to make it weird. I am not the one to talk about it randomly, but if it gets brought up I will. I know some people just don't know how to talk to people about life situations, maybe they don't want to upset someone, maybe they haven't been in that scenario and don't know what to say, or maybe they don't care. Don't care? Yep! You have some people who think being pregnant with a child  who has a heartbeat isn't a person, so that makes him/her not human because they haven't taken their first breath. News flash--If you throw fertilizer on soil to make grass grow, and you see green buds...is that grass/living organism? YES! Same difference, different concept. 

 If you don't remember my blog Click Here to Read It. 

  Since then, we got pregnant again and had Flynn. He is number THREE. People always ask will there be another? Of course, if God has plans for us to have another! I would love a football team, but I am also content with the three I have now...and our foster children. I love our foster children. I am taking one day at a time and enjoying every child God has given me. 

  I am logging off--DVR and hot tea time. Have a good night and will catch you later! 

-The Random Babbling Mom

15,714 Readers!!

15,714 Readers!! I feel honored and the love!

As most of you know, we have been back and forth to so many Doctors for Sawyer in the past and now we can greatly say, we found an Ophthalmologist that can do surgery! If you would like to know more information, please Click here for Sawyer and you can also subscribe to his updates!

 How have you been? As I sit here typing this, I am literally watching the Clemson game with my eyes and let my fingers do the talking. How many Clemson fans do we have in the house? What about Carolina (BOOOOO)? My pumpkin pie is in the works to making it to my mouth, not sure if I can make it to half time.

  Hubs is in Pre-Med which isn't easy. He has 18 credit hours Mon-Fri classes and then he works before, in-between, and after class. I finally got a 2 hour nap yesterday in 5 months all to myself...it felt great! I honestly can't believe it has been that long, but time has FLOWN! The last time I actually laid in bed was 40.5 weeks pregnant with Flynn MISERABLE and couldn't sleep! We have had so much fun having 3 boys. Watching Bentley and Sawyer interact with Flynn makes me fall so much more in love with them.

Time to go eat some pie, thought I would share how many viewers I have had. What would you like to read? Anything new in your life? You guys are the reason I am still around, even if it is every so often!


-The Random Babbling Mom

Reviewing My Own Blog...

  I am back! How many times have you heard that before? LOL! I am going to TRY and post more to my Blog rather than my Facebook so much. I am hoping to keep up this Blog better than I have been, but I guess only time will tell. I've been trying to activate my account for a couple of weeks now, forgot my e-mail and password to this thing. Why does Google all a sudden have to have an account with everything on the Internet?! This account is set up with a previous e-mail before Hubs and I wed, so trying to remember with preggo brain is simple impossible.

 Hubs and I are expecting our third child, Flynn, currently 37 weeks pregnant. I was ready yesterday to have this baby! From the 3D/4D ultrasound, he's a cute one with 3 chins. Yep! I said 3 chins, LOL! I was measuring 39 weeks 3 days ago, so if I am measuring 40 on Monday, there will be talk of induction. This Mama doesn't want a planned pregnancy, I am all for surprises. Bentley decided to come on his own, induced with Sawyer because I was measuring so big, and now here we are again. I have two little ecstatic boys who is ready to meet their little brother--bring on the baby!

  Since the last time I shared with you all, I finished school! I am hoping to continue my education again after Flynn is born and soon be a Lactation Consultant. I NEED clinical hours and I know it wouldn't be smart to start them while pregnant. Who would pack on the stress? As I have a little time right now, I am using it for this Blog.

  Time to sign off--I need to do some updates to this Blog! If you want to know every time I post, please subscribe!


-The Random Babbling Mom
 

Babbles

  These past couple of days, Sawyer, has been sick. We usually don't take him to the Dr for a fever (unless it's high), but it wouldn't break and only kept getting higher. We broke down 30 minutes before the Peds office closed (yes, we were one of those people yesterday!), so we could see what was going on. He didn't show any signs of being sick except having a high fever and sleeping most of the day away. If you know Sawyer Ray, you know that isn't like him. They ended up diagnosing him with Roseola which is an illness from a viral infection and we are to let it run it's course--nothing major. What parent wants to watch their child go through anything...even as simple as a cold? Not I! He seemed to be doing a tad bit better this afternoon, but he started to feel sick again this evening. Keep the poor guy in your prayers!

 Another request is prayers for me. I have been battling this undiagnosed issue for over 1.5 year and the past two months, I've been going through a good bit of x-rays, ultrasounds, etc. I don't want to even talk about this word because even though I do not know my diagnosis fully, I feel horrible talking about it on social networking because I know a few people who have or they know someone who has it and if everything comes back OK, then I feel like I hurt someone because they are hurting with it. I also don't like talking about myself much--especially since we have had A LOT of things that have been going on this year--I admit...it gets annoying reading it on FB. That's why I Blog. I am going yet again to another appt tomorrow, pretty important appointment actually, but I KNOW this is all apart of Gods plan. I will Blog more about the situation once we know what all is going on, but pray for guidance, strength, comfort, and answers as I go to my appointment.

  Remember me telling you in a previous Blog that I had some exciting news to share?! Well, here it goes.............DRUM ROLL PLEASE...............we joined Powdersville First Baptist Church! This may not be as exciting to you as it is to us, but we are happy! We have been on the hunt for a Church for over a year now, taking our time to visit most of the Churches in this area. Something about the ones we previously visited, it didn't feel right. It wasn't 'home' if that makes sense. We have been going to PFBC for 9 months and we had been praying and praying and praying and praying and praying and praying about joining for 8 months and then God answered our prayers. It was all in His timing, we just had to put our trust in Him. So with that being said, he had been wanting to get Sawyer dedicated. We were never able to because Hubs left shortly after he was born with the military, and then when he came home we started looking for a Church home. We wanted to attend a Church closer to home and to be more involved. We decided once we found a Church home whenever that would be, we would dedicate him then. On Fathers Day, we ended up joining AND dedicating Sawyer. It can't get any more amazing than that! As I am sitting here typing this, I can't help but smile and thank Him for directing our family. I am blessed to say that not only do we have one Church family, but we now have 2. I go to my parents Church on days Hubs works and has drill because I am a very shy person until you get to know me and I hate doing things on my own. I need to step out of my comfort zone and just go by myself. Easier said than done! I love both Church families with my entire heart and so happy to know that we can count on them for anything.

I think I may go and take a much needed bubble bath and then hit the hay early. It's tough work taking care of a sick kiddo! Nite!

-The Random Babbling Mom

Just Full of Good News

  I always say I am am back for good and then months go by and I never post anything. Can't blame it on anything except I stay so busy! This evening I have finally had time to sit down, relax, and just think. I miss blogging. I miss reading the replies on Facebook from my posts. I miss my Bloggy Friends. I am going to blog more, but I can't promise everyday----haven't you heard that before too..? 

 I am still in school and chasing after two monsters all day, LOL! Hubs and I have been blessed with the biggest opportunity, but I will not be sharing that for a while. I've learned to keep most things off social media these days, sometimes it can just bite ya in the butt :) We just got back from vacation last week from Florida and had a blast! The boys got to see their Grandma, Aunt, and Uncles. MIL has a place on the Beach in New Smyrna, Fl (a two bedroom house) and we shared that itty bitty space with 11 people plus 3 more for a night. It was difficult to stay on rountine with the boys...even ourselves, but we managed! Quite challenging with that many loud people off and on for a week. To say the least, we ended up coming back 3 days early, lol! We like our space, but out of 14 people half of that were kids running around. CRAZY! We needed to get away and have been wanting to for a while, but that was the icing on the cake! Now I am looking into planning our 5 year Wedding Anniversary! How crazy is that?!?!?! I can't believe we have been married almost 5 years. I also can't believe that Christmas is only 6 months away. Life passes by so quickly, it's hard to sit and watch it. Bentley will be three in less than a month and Sawyer will be 2 in 2 months. If we had went full term with our third, we would be hitting that due date. It just amazes me how our time on earth isn't long. Anyway, as I venture off and babble--check out the picture of my three favorite people. 

Man, I love those kids! They may literally drive me in over drive crazy, but my love for them grows every minute I'm with them. I am in love and so blessed to call myself a Mom.

 Hubs and I also have some awesome news, but won't be sharing that until Father's Day, but I can tell you that God has blessed us tremendously! Father's Day is coming up and I finally figured out what I am getting Hubs. I've been tossing ideas around my head now for a while, but I have the perfect gift! ME! Just Kidding! :) I order it this afternoon, so now I can only hope UPS delivers it before next Sunday! Knowing the postal luck I have, it will probably be 1 day late just like my Moms Mothers Day gift was. Better late than never, eh? 

Now since this is the I'm baaaaaaaaaack blog, time to update this site again and refresh some pictures! Keep coming back to visit! I love having traffic on my page! 

-The Random Babbling Mom

Juggling Priorities

  Since my last Blog, I've been doing better. I think after 3.5 months I am starting to feel like myself again. I think losing a child is one of the hardest things...ever. Emotionally and physically. During that process, I grew even closer to my two sweet boys and even found a new love.

  I am still in school and it keeps me stressed. I use to be a good student, good grades, good GPA, and always studied. Now, I barely get my class work turned in on time, my GPA is dropping, I never study, and I am turning into a careless student. I never have time! I chase two crazy, grumpy, wild, loud, crazy, temperamental, hungry, fussy, fighting, hitting, clingy, sweet toddlers all day. I have been asking myself the past couple of weeks, HOW am I going to make it through this Summer doing more classes that require studying? I also have asked myself, is it really worth it? I stress myself--I guess I actually let myself do it, but this is the day I usually have: breakfast, lunch, supper, cleaning house, laundry, putting clothes up, washing diapers, potty training that's never ending, break up continuous fights, naps, baths, bedtimes, play dates, play time, errands, straighten house, and then SCHOOL. That is your average stay at home Mom thing which isn't easy, but rewarding. After a day like that, I'm tired. No wait, I am exhausted. I wish I had more hours in a day, help with the boys, and maybe that would bring the Megan Howard student back because the Megan Miller student is struggling to make everyone happy. As you probably roll your eyes at this Blog thinking 'you can do that with no problem' but it's not like that for me--please say a prayer for me because I am at my last straw with school. I miss not stressing over school and just worrying about the boys and the house. Why did I chose another career path? I love school (when I'm not stressed) and I love to learn.

  Bentley and Sawyer are growing up so fast and learning so much! It's amazing what kids pick up from other people-some of it, not so good! Bentley likes to pick up bad behavior from other kids and is starting to test me. Sawyer just started hair pulling 3 days ago when he gets mad. If I am holding him and he's pitching a fit, he grabs a handful of my hair and pulls it. Sawyer got mad at a poor 80 year old relative yesterday because she took the last biscuit that he kept wanting, so he threw a crouton at her and yelled. Where did my sweet little Sawyer go a 4 days ago? I know kids go through stages like this, but it hurts me to see them act that way. They definitely don't see that at home, so maybe it's behaviors every kid goes through? Is this normal? They get disciplined for it, but they look at me like, "Really Mom? That's all you got?" They fight like cats and dogs, their trying to learn how to share, they are the sweetest kids ever when they chose to be, and they are into everything. They are your typical toddler times 2, LOL! Bentley is starting to have an imagination that is quite comical and Sawyer is starting to be Mr. Mischievous. There is never a dull moment in the Miller Household!

  Well, I need to wrap this up! I have to start lunch and put the kiddos down for a nap! Have a good Monday!


-The Random Babbling Mom

Heaven Got Another Angel

  Today has been a rough day full of emotions. This afternoon, I lost our child. Our sweet little baby who we have been so excited about, shouting from the rooftops, our precious bundle of joy-gone. I went for an emergency OB appointment to have the ultrasound and the whole 9 yards done, just so it was medically confirmed. It was hard, very hard. I didn’t really hit me until I was home with my boys that I have lost one of them, an actual child. A baby sister/brother the boys will never get to meet, a precious baby that I won’t feel that little warm hand wrap around my finger.  I will never get to kiss those sweet feet and compare her looks to ours. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest, I want her back. We haven’t told the kids and I don’t think we are. If Bentley keeps asking about his “baby seester” then we will figure out a way to tell him, he’s just still too young to understand.

  Not only does this hurt physically; I never knew how emotionally hurt people would be after something like this, and now I know. It hurts. You have this maternal relationship when you’re pregnant that most Moms feel. That attached feeling only you and baby have. When that attachment is taken away from you in matter of seconds, you feel alone. Although, my heart is aching, I am blessed that Hubs and I had this much time with her.

 Now is the waiting game for my body to pass everything else after baby. As I go to the bathroom, I am constantly reminded and my body hurts. My body is reacting like it does after birthing a child, except I don’t have my child. It knows there is something foreign in it, so it is contracting to pass out the old.

  I’m not angry, nor do I blame God because this was His plan and His child I would have been borrowing from Him; God’s gift to me wasn’t quite finished. He blessed us this short time to love and get to know another child before he took her along.

  Hubs seems to be doing fine, we really haven’t talked much since this afternoon. I’ve kept to myself in bed praying, thinking, and crying. Tomorrow starts a new day with only reminders of today. God has a purpose and He knows why He called her home. When the OB told me the news, I only thought of this verse and how wonderful it fits. “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:21 NIV)

You never said you're leaving

You never said goodbye

You were gone before I knew it,

And only God knew why.

A million times I needed you,

A million times I cried.

If love alone could have saved you,

You never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly

In death I love you still

In my heart you hold a place,

That nobody could ever fill.

It broke my heart to lose you,

But you didn't go alone

For part of me went with you,

The day God took you home.

I didn’t get to feel you kick, or look into your eyes. I didn’t hold you in my arms, or hear your little cry.

I didn’t get to see your smile, or even know your name. But, you’ll always be my baby and I love you just the same.

-The Random Babbling Mom