Decisions

Most of you know that I am a volunteer firefighter and if you didn't, you do now. I've been volunteering for 4 years now and it's my hobby that I have enjoyed very much. I guess I would categorize it as "me" time. I always had my nose up in the FD until I got pregnant and it limited me to almost everything of things to do. I would live for rodeo and FD, but now I have a new hobby and thats being a Mommy to Bentley. I am not going to do anything that would jeopardize my time away from him if the Hubs is away as well.

  The past couple of months The Hubs has brought up joining the FD and running calls. Now, I told him when we first met that was my thing to do myself and to have father and daughter time (My dad vol. as well). He understood that and that was it. Now that my brother has joined and is making a career out of it, the Hubs is wanting to do it. It irritates me in a way because he has his "go-to" spot and that's called work...I have nothing. He gets to have his time away from living in 4 walls. I brought up how I would like to have "me" time every so often because I need to give myself a break for a few hours of being Mommy and do something for myself. He doesn't really understand how I feel this way...he isn't going to feel that way because he is gone for three 24 hour shifts a week, so he has time away. Now, I'm not complaining what so ever, I LOVE being a Mommy and wouldn't trade it or anything, but I would like a Moms day out or so.

  Since we moved up here, the Hubs has been bringing up running calls and joining ERT-go figure. I'm tired of hearing him say that, so I could care less about anything anymore. So I called Chief and told him that I am turning my gear in because the Hubs is talking about joining and someone has to watch Bentley and I'm not going to drop him off with Mama every time a tone drops-it's not fair to him. Chief said, "OK, but hang onto your bag in case you want to run calls when Christian doesn't." I have given up something I love and time for me, but maybe it's for the best, I don't want to consume my time away from Bentley. The Hubs can have his job, ERT, FD, School, and whatever else he feels like he should do. Being a Mom is satisfying enough for me even if it means I have no hobby anymore.

  I have applied for a few jobs just to get out and make some money to help pay bills off, but I don't want to leave Bentley. If it doesn't work with the Hubs schedule the Hospital can forget that...it's just to give me something to do.

Bentley hasn't napped AT ALL today and has fussed! I think maybe he is teething, but I really don't know. It is a little frustrating that he will not nap because he doesn't know that he will feel better if he does. He finally coo's and giggles at everything which lights up my day. I could be in the worse mood and that smile will do a complete 180. Hope you guys have a good night, I'm going to sew a few things. Have a good night!



Megan